Death is only a Beginning

It was coming. I knew that from the start. We all knew that she wasn't going to live forever. But I could still hope y'know?

Grandma died sometime this morning. And there isn't a thing that i would have been able to do about it. I woke up to get ready for work, and i didn't even get that far. I noticed that the news wasn't on in the other room. Which was unusual, and it bothered me slightly. So i plugged the light in next to where i sleep, and went in the other room. I called to Gram, asking if she wanted the channel changed (i didn't have my glasses on) and when she didn't answer me, i went over to shake her lightly, but she felt cold. I watched her for a few seconds, and i couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. The light was out, and i went over and flipped the switch a few times, but the bulb must have blown. Having discovered that it wasn't working, i went in the other room and snatched a working bulb from the other lamp, and put it in. She wasn't breathing. Her hands felt like ice, and i didn't know what to do. I checked for a pulse, but didn't get anything.

I tried calling my mom, but couldn't get through, and i called 911. A guy answered at 911, and then he forwarded me to a woman who told me to check again to see if she was breathing. She wasn't, and the woman asked me where she was. Gram was in bed, so the lady said i had to get her onto the floor so we could try cpr. That's what i was doing when the firemen paramedics and them got there. They told me to put grandmas medicine together for them, and started asking questions, and i didn't really even know all the answers. Then after a bit, they told me to go in the other room, and eventually they told me she was gone. I sorta knew that was coming...i mean...given the facts and all... but i don't want to believe it. I never want to believe it.

I pinched myself, after all there's always that small bit of hope that it's a bad dream. But this time, it wasn't. It wasn't a dream. It isn't a dream.

I guess life is never going to be that easy again. It's time for something new, and the door that looms before me, is opening with a loud creak...and I'm afraid to go beyond into what i don't know. I guess i don't have much of a choice though. Sometimes...one just doesn't.

~salvaged from my old livejournal because I don't want to lose this memory~

https://ithilimp.livejournal.com/2004/10/15/