Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Personal Update (In Case You Were Wondering)

I'm sure most people really don't care why I haven't been writing. But for the few that are curious or worried this is an update to fill you in on why I've been mostly silent of late. If you're not, that's alright, just let me get some of this off my chest anyway.

I've been feeling sick for around 2 months now. At first I was blaming it on the strange weather patterns we had been having here in WNY, but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm trying to figure out exactly how you go about getting a doctor visit, and am not really a fan of the idea. I've never really been fond of doctors, and given my family history there's a large number of reasons to want to avoid them.

Some of my problems include but are not limited to : light sensitivity, dizziness, various pain that doesn't go away with the use of pain killers, and a few other things. I have been informed by a few of my friends that they never would have let it go as long as I have, but sometimes it's better not to worry about something.

Well... I do worry. But if I hurt at least I know I'm still able to feel something.

The real reason that I'm trying to get it sorted out though is because it's starting to affect my ability to do things. Prime example, it's difficult to look at the computer screen so I've simply been avoiding using it on the most part.

Then there's the other problems that have been coming up. Both of my parents have been having a million doctors visits, my dad is supposed to have his third hernia surgery (I think he said it's his third). Anyway they cancelled it last week because the insurance was giving the doctors the run around about one of the tests that they wanted him to have. Apparently they were worried about being sued if something went wrong during the surgery due to a lack of whatever information the test provides.

One of my brothers is getting married in a little less than 2 months. So that's a whole different kind of problem. Mainly because I don't know what to get for them, and I have no idea where I fit into the occasion anyway. Family functions are kind of uncomfortable for me. But I won't get into why. They simply are.

So the main problem as far as writing and putting anything together here has been my inability to focus on the screen for lengths of time. I don't have the focus.

And I really don't feel like I have anything positive to tell. Sorry.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

April means Spring

Spring means Butterflies.

At least here where I am. People associate butterflies with the warmer weather and the flowers that are starting to come up from under the ground. So today I'd like to share some lovely butterflies with you from *gasp* instagram.

A photo posted by Hamza Rayan (@ryanth3li0n) on






A photo posted by Rayanne (@rayannek95) on



A photo posted by @instanature_hd on



A photo posted by @hummingbird_artist on



A photo posted by Joan Calderon (@joantatt2) on


But yeah, these are some of the great butterflies that I saw today/recently that I thought I would share with you since I know we're all looking forward to warmer weather.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Misery loves company

I know that I haven't been writing anything of late. I haven't even been picking out songs to make lists. I'm uninspired, miserable, and quite honestly I don't know why I should bother. I'm tired of the life I live, and I am finding that the point of it is no longer visible.

I'm not sure what I want to do, but I do know what I wish I could do. I wish I could give up. I'm tired of being the person that I am and I want to be someone else and I wish that I could enjoy things again. But I can't.

Anytime I even start to feel happy other people come along and crush that feeling.

they make me feel guilty for trying to be happy.

I wish I could be happy again ~_~

anyway yeah so much for an update.

I'll try to actually get something written next week. I'm really trying. I just don't really know why I bother. I loved writing, but I have nothing good to write about anymore. Maybe that's the problem, all the negativity is stifling my creative juices.

but hey... let's go with it, right?