I'm trying. I hope You are Too.

It's still hard to find something to write about. I'm not good. But I really have a feeling  that currently, no one really is all that good. A large number of us are scared, frustrated, trapped, and highly frustrated. We have every right to feel whatever emotions we are feeling. But we do need to remember not to take those feelings out on the people around us.

Yes, we are angry. There are a lot of factors in the worldwide situation that none of us can control. Yes, we are afraid. Who wouldn't be afraid of something that makes us question our mortality. We're afraid of the unknown. And while some folks are trying to play the whole situation down like it is nothing more than an inconvenience to them... There are others who are dealing with the cold frightening reality of living day to day wondering about who may or may not be infected around them.

And this won't be going away quickly. The projection is that there is still over a month of time before we'll know the full extent of how this illness is going to effect us long term. The idea is terrifying. A number of us aren't leaving our homes. Our jobs are... non existent? We don't actually know what is going to happen. There are hundreds of questions and worries, and no answers. At least, not enough answers to make things seem less worrisome.

So yes, some of us are turning to video games to try and cope. We are turning to the arts in just about all forms; movies, music, and digital tours. Anything that might be able to help distract our minds from the unknown and the fears that are filling our minds. A number of companies are offering their services at discounts, or even free to try and help people fill their time. The boon is one that I doubt many will forget when things are over. It's helping people fill time, and break up boredom.

The arts are often overlooked, and even more so of late. At least, prior to this situation. People are so quick to dismiss the arts as worthless. But they are the ones coming to our aid now. Attempting to at least salve the wound that loneliness is cutting in so deep. We're not meant to be alone. Even those of us who say we're fine alone, need some amount of human interaction to function properly.

I'm trying. I'm genuinely trying to make it past this ok. It doesn't mean it is easy. I doubt it is truly easy for anyone. But we need to make the attempt. This can't last forever. It may take time for things to change, but it won't last forever. Normal won't be the same again though. We're all going to need to learn new skills. We're going to have to have empathy. And we are most definitely going to need to start to work together.

Ongoing Projects

I know that I haven't been posting a lot the past couple of weeks. Part of the reason is that I have been busy between work, gaming, and cleaning up and updating things around here. I am torn between what direction to go in currently. Mainly because, generally speaking, I don't feel I am of any consequence. I write because I enjoy it. I also enjoy making the music Monday posts.

But I miss travelling. Unfortunately travel doesn't fit into my budget very often. So I have a void in my life where that wants to be. But I do have a few locations from my recent travel to write about yet, so that's a thing. I do know that there are some events in the near future that I will be at. I can write about those too.

I finally managed to get my list of movies organized. I only had 5 duplicates. So that is kind of awesome. My goal in the coming months is to link each film to it's IMDB link, or to a post discussing the content or themes. This will make it easier for people curious about a film to know what I have in my collection.

I am also working the day shift 2 days this week. Today (Wednesday) and Thursday. Day shift throws my motivation out the window generally speaking, so forgive me for that. I am working my way through planning the future updates nonetheless. Please be patient as we work through the new changes.

Oh! Something exciting and fun, just because I want to share something that made me super happy! Below you can find an awesome piece by @littlewhatknotsco on Instagram and Facebook. My Boo Boo absolutely loved it as his surprise valentine. I highly recommend checking out their work if you're looking for something both personal and unique.

Pending Updates

I know that it is going to be a little bumpy as I work out what the current time is going to mean for me. What I do know, is that I am not going to be giving up anytime soon. I just need to take time to get a schedule of both ideas and time sorted.

I am currently working on getting back to creating in various mediums. This is good and bad, because I want to be better at writing things and sharing ideas. But I don't know what I am really thinking about as far as moving forward.

I like doing the music monday posts, and sharing some of the music that makes me happy. But I also know I need to do some updates around here.

I need to update my movie list to add some of the films I have added to my collection. I also know that my Boyfriend would appreciate it if I redid the list in alphabetical order. Why is this something I am ok with working on?

Well it has made it easier to keep us from repurchasing films that we already have. He has admitted that if it hadn't been for the list he would have repurchased a large number of films he already owns.

I am also working my way through some of the older content and debating how best to continue.

Any ideas? Yeah it should be ok.

Crafting, Creating, and Pain Management

I am honestly sorry that I haven't been writing here as often as I would like to. But part of that is caused by the fact that I don't have the internet at home currently. It does put a bit of a damper on things, as it makes it a bit more difficult for me to find a reliable set up t o come in and write. I was advised that maybe I could do it by phone. But there really isn't a reason that I want to do that. It only increases my spelling error rate.

And to be honest I don't really have much to talk about currently. I haven't had a lot of good things that would interest you to say. And honestly the bad things are more frustrating than interesting for me.

So I have been crafting still. I have been working on a couple craft swaps, the most recent one we finished was based on the 90's, and was a ton of fun for me. I just wish that the things I had ordered online to add to the package had turned up on time, to be included in the outgoing mailer so that it would be complete as I had envisioned it.

Creating a wide variety of unique things has been a goal as more topics are brought up. I am also participating in the dnd craft swap on Instagram, and I am kinda helping to run it even though I am admittedly a bit behind in making the check ins. q.q

I have also been working on completing some dice trays and a mini carry box for the new dungeons and dragons Adventure League group we are playing in at the local game shop on Fridays. My boyfriend is dming one of the groups, and while he is a bit nervous about it I also know that it is good for him. I like the idea that he is getting to be more social with people, and getting to be more comfortable in new circumstances. It is very good for him, me too in a way. Because I don't have to worry as much about him being alone.

Pain management is my major issue the past month or so. My head has been killing me, enough that I went to the doctor to see if there is something wrong. She had me go in for an MRI but they didn't find anything that would be the cause for the pain. We're on the second pain medication, but today... Today it is barely taking the edge off. I want to blame the weather and lack of sleep as the cause of the pain, but... I can't be completely sure.

So in truth I haven't been super active in general. I'm spending a lot of my time just wishing that my head would stop hurting. I am very tired of hurting. I would really like to be able to do the things I enjoy without aching. It is distracting and discouraging.

In any case, this is me checking in. Sorry for the silent air, I will work on it, but right now I honestly... can't. It hurts to look at the screen this long. Thanks for sticking around.

Personal Update

I know that I haven't been posting a lot like I had been. But I'm going to be working very hard on the blog today and tomorrow to get the next few weeks cleared up and patched up so that I feel a bit better about this.

I have some new things on the burners currently. I'm participating in the #siruisanimationswap as well as the #pumpkineverythingswap. I'm really excited about those. I will also be opening the #crittercraftswapC1.1 soon. I just haven't had the time to finish cleaning everything up for it.

I finished my package for the #subversivecraftswap, but my partner has flaked as far as anyone can tell. Very sad to hear that because I spent almost 40 hours on the one project. I only know this because I listened to Critical role for more than half of that amount of time while I was sewing by hand.

I do have some of my Christmas shopping completed and wrapped, so yay go me!

Health wise, I spent a good portion of Sunday night and Monday hallucinating. I had good intentions of having music Monday up for you all, but it didn't happen. I'm probably going to get the one for next Monday all cooked up for you today.

Anyways I'm ok. I'm just not ok.

Personal Update

I know I've fallen off the bandwagon of late. But I have my own reasons for that. They may not all be good, but they're not all bad either.

My brothers are engaged, and there have been various to do's concerning that. When I say brothers, I mean 3 out of 5 of them are engaged. The other two are already married. So yay, at least they're all going to have someone. It's good to know that they won't be alone forever.

This past weekend was one of the bridal showers, as well as a family reunion that I had no clue was going on. I wish I had known that it was scheduled because I would have packed extra clothes instead of having to wear a dress all day. The bridal shower went well though, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves there. At the reunion I even played volleyball, which may not sound like it's important, but it's something that a bunch of us that were playing used to do when we were in youth group together a million years ago.

This is the label that I helped with for the shower. We also helped with cards ^_^

I have been working on a few craft swaps, but currently I am not running the second critter craft swap, because there are still people who haven't responded to the emails and I don't really want people to be disappointed if they get matched up to someone that ends up not following through. I'm hoping to open it in August.

My health is something that is important and I've been trying to get it straightened out for what feels like a year now. It's a long process, but we have found one thing wrong that they said should be easy enough to fix. The thing they've decided on for sure is that I have a vitamin D deficiency.

This may not seem like a big deal compared to some other things, but I don't actually know how long it has been an issue. What I did learn after reading about some of the symptoms related to a D deficiency is that it could be what was helping cause the hallucinations I have been having.

What I may not have told you about yet is the fact that I've been having issues with my depth of field. This is a vision problem, that I'm not entirely sure what they can do anything about. The color problems, well that's a whole different problem, which may or may not get sorted out if they can figure out the problem concerning depth of field. I have an appointment at the eye institute in September. That's the soonest they could get me in to be seen.

The good news though, is that knowing what they know currently, I still don't have any solid answers. BUT what they do know is that I'm not going to die anytime soon(hopefully?). At least that's what I'm going with right now.

So yeah, I guess that's a good enough update for now. I do have a little more I want to talk about but I think I will save that for another day.

Personal Update

I'm happy to say that the weather has broke and things seem to be a little better on that front. I don't mind the cold too much, but there is a point where it gets to be too cold.The fresh green grass that accompanies spring is also a welcome sight.

It came to mind also that not too long ago I had been sharing some of my older fiction writings with you. I don't know how many people did read the bits about Lenore, or even the small bit I posted of a more recent piece I'm still working on. But I remembered that eons ago, back in 2005 I think, I was working on a piece called Cat and Falcon. I don't know if that's what the finalized title would have been, but I liked how it sounded.

Compared to most of my writings, it was a little bit outside of my comfort zone. It was supposed to be a futuristic science fiction piece. But I think I only got five or six installments in before I lost the muse I had for it.

This weekend is also dress try on day on Sunday.

The 20th is another dress try on day.

I'm still not a huge fan of everyday dresses lol.

Oh! Free Comic Book Day is tomorrow, so at least that is something that I'm looking forward to.

But yeah, I'm going to be sharing some of my older fiction writing with you here in the coming weeks. I'm trying to get myself back into fiction writing, because I do miss it. But to be honest, I'm thankful I've got enough mindfulness to be able to write here.

I have more doctors appointments soon, and hopefully everything is going to be sorted out soon.

I also had a chance to join a DnD campaign, but my life seems to be reluctant to let me do that. Meh, I can at least go and watch I guess?

Life Update : 2018 is off to a...start?

Let's be honest, after the way 2017 went, 2018 should be a piece of cake. But that's being overly optimistic I have found. Not because anything specific to me is of concern immediately. In fact things are getting rather interesting in general. It is going to be a rather eventful year.

As of today I know I'll be attending 4 weddings this year. Two of them being those of my brothers, and the others for close friends. To be honest I still haven't found my dress for the August wedding, and in fact am figuring to alter one. Nothing like a little needlework to bring out the best in someone.

Christmas will be coming around again at the end of the year, and with a 42 person list (plus a few others but I'm not counting them in the head count) I have to start early. I have decided though that from here on in children will be receiving books instead of toys. This is to help save my own sanity and help them to expand their reading horizons.

My brother has been ill for a while now. He has recently been told much to our sadness that he's going to need to have a liver transplant. Something in his liver has stopped working properly. His eyes are extremely yellow, and it's a little scary to be honest. It might not have been such horrible news, except for the icing on the cake is his blood type. O isn't necessarily the most common.

Adding to this saddening event, is that their family dog has to be put down. The town is requiring it because he has taken to biting people. His first offense wasn't really his fault. But his second was his fault. It makes me sad that the kids are going to be sad. But in a way it's a blessing with everything else that's happening currently. It would be even more heartbreaking if he bit one of the kids.

All in all things aren't completely positive or negative. But I'm definitely looking at some complex situations.

Oh! One good thing is that we applied to hopefully have a table at an event in June. As of now no answers, but it's neat to try.

Anyway that's a short update with a little information. I know I am not sharing everything, but right now I'd rather you not worry that much. Have a great week and we're working on getting back on track.

Addendum : My Cousin passed away yesterday. So among everything else, this is turning out to be a smashing new year. (that's sarcasm in case you are uncertain)

Sorry for The Dead Air

But I have been a little busier than I expected to be in the past few weeks. Sadly this means that I haven't had the time to write things for you, or to share some of the amazing artists  that I have been having the chance to enjoy. So I must let you know, that there will be a few reviews of some of the amazing things I've seen and participated in.

I have also been working on various craft and art projects. I really am enjoying the challenges presented by the craft swaps, to make something creative that someone else will enjoy. I also find that there are a large number of ideas that I am taking from paper into reality, and it's making me extremely happy to be able to create things. I've missed creating for a very long time, and having the challenges that I am making for myself are wonderful. I love being able to make things, other than drawings.

It's refreshing and it's bringing me back to life. At least that's how I feel. Works in progress are challenging my personal expectations. I have a project that has been giving me a lot of trouble, and I'm very disappointed that it hasn't gone the way I planned, but I can explain the problems that have been plaguing me more thoroughly after the package gets shipped out.

The painting above I've been working on for one of the swaps I'm participating in. This was 2 sessions into it I think, maybe 3. But It's looking pretty good now. But again you'll have to wait to see what it is looking like at the finish for a while.

This sketch though is one that I made for my boyfriend. He has it hung up at his cubicle at work. It's a lot of fun to make things for other people to enjoy. I really enjoyed making him smile. But yeah there are a few different images that you might see in the near future once I have finished them.

Anyway thank you for your patience and you'll hear some new things from me in the near future. We have got a lot of fun things in the work.

Just a Personal Update

I know that last week seemed a bit odd, since I pulled out some older writing of mine to share with you. But the thing is sometimes it's fun to look at the old pieces and compare them to the style of the new ones. The same goes with some of the crafts I've been working on for the crafts swaps I'm participating in on instagram. I thought maybe you'd be interested in seeing some of the pieces I've been working on lately, I'm a little proud of how some of them are progressing.

So one thing I have finished lately is a necklace that I've titled Greenman #2. I started this piece over a year ago, along with another that I have yet to get a good photograph shot of. Both pieces are different, but feature the metal greenman face pendant.

I found the pendants in my travels, and picked up what few were available at the time squirreling them away until the inspiration would hit me. When it did last year, the piece I'll call Greenman #1 dragged. It wasn't cooperative, and it felt stagnant to work on, so I stopped putting them all away until a later date.

But now my muse is back and my inspiration has let me finish not just #1, but #2 as well. I think I have 2 more of the pendants, but one is already spoken for. The one seen here is mine, because while it may look very long, it's shorter than I intended for it to be.



Another project that I'm working on is something that is completely new to me. You can see my progress to the right. (Don't mind the needle and thread in the picture) It's a Nightmare Before Christmas inspired wreath, sort of.

While I may not usually be the sort to make wreaths this one has been coming along a little bit at a time, slowly. There's little details that you can't exactly see clearly in the image, such as the pinking sheared outer edges of the Burton-esque toe pincher casket shape.

The current status of this project is unfinished though, I still need to add a few more flowers, and maybe a couple of large bells if I can get my hands on any. Unfortunately as far as I have found so far, they're not in season. Not the large ones anyway.

 The last project I'll share with you today is my cheshire cat painting. While I know it appears to be non-traditional, I did my best to try and utilize the source material in a manner that would let the character be seen.

I tried to merge the grey and blue version of the cat from the live action films with the purple and pink cat from the classic animated film that Disney had released. The result as you can see is a bit odd. But I'm happy with how it's come out.

It's not just paint though. It's actually a mixed media painting. There's sharpie, acrylic, pencil, and watercolor used in order to express the image I had seen in my mind. It's not a perfect expression of what I imagined, but I find the result pleasing enough. Not that it's something to worry about I suppose. I still need to seal it to prevent any possible running.

There are some other projects that I am working on, but as of yet they're incomplete and I don't feel comfortable sharing them with you. Thank you for your interest and patience, hope you're having a magical week!

Personal Update

Think Positive!

No really. Think positive. We've been having a rather unique time and haven't necessarily been unbusy. I've been working on creating new items for the craft swaps that I'm participating in. This includes craft concept sketches, shopping for extras and pattern drafting. This might not sound like much to some people, but drafting a pattern can be a bit complicated since not every pattern is as easy as I first imagine it to be while creating the piece in my head.

This was the outgoing package for the #disneySKswap

Each craft swap package is unique, and it's a lot of fun trying to tailor the contents to my swap partner's tastes. This one was a fan based swap working around Disney themed characters. I made a pillow, a toy lizard, and some blank notecards. Most of my extras ended up being Frozen themed though because it's easy to find things from Frozen currently.

I've also been working on planning future projects for here. This includes various article drafting, as well as networking. We even have another writer joining us. But I won't go to far into that because I don't want you to be disappointed if anything falls through.

Beyond that work is about the same as always. Easter wasn't horrible, in fact it was kind of fun. We made chocolate, and the kids ate chocolate. I got to play FFXIV online, and worked on leveling my white mage character, although I'm still more fond of my summoner. Last weekend I worked on leveling my fisher class. I guess I just like low key classes.

Hrm, not much else to talk about right now. But things are going well. I can explain more in depth over time I suppose, but it's not like any of you want to hear about the nonsense of daily life.

Special events are coming up, and there'll be posts about them so keep tuned. Also there's a few artist's spotlights in the works, but I won't spoil the surprise of who they're about.

In any case, hope the rest of your week goes well. Stay magical, you've got this!

Personal Update : Life is Life

Life is a funny thing. I know that it's been awhile since I gave you an honest update about how things are going for me. They're not going very well. But they're not horrible.

There's been a number of great interactions with a variety of artists. I'm sure you've been enjoying viewing their work as much as I have been. But there's also some negative things that have been happening, and I'm afraid I can't mention most of these.

Right now I'm in a down time, so give me a few days to get back in order. Next week this should be all straightened out. But for now, consider me down for 5 days or so. sorry.

February is the Second Month

Which means there's really only 10 months until the holidays are back again. A cringe worthy idea considering it feels as though we've only just finished them. But it also means that it's time to stop feeling so miserable, winter will be coming to an end soon enough. We will have some warm weather for a bit afterwards, and then eventually fall will be back again.

So I will admit that I've started my Christmas shopping already. My plan is to more or less repeat last year, and have most of the shopping finished around the end of August. Why start so early? Well, there's a few reasons. By starting my shopping this early, I can take advantage of the various sales that will happen through the coming months. It gives me a multitude of opportunities to find special things to delight my friends and family, while hopefully staying within my budget.

Christmas shopping is only part of it though, there are birthdays to consider! So many birthdays... it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's a thing that I have to consider. But we're only 2 months into 2017 and these really sound like superficial concerns. But they're concerns to me. I have many family members, and a group of close friends that I adore and I don't want them to feel disappointed or unloved. Although, I suppose presents don't really do either of those things, but it's the thought that counts. I want them to know that they're well thought of.

As far as personal discoveries, our local walmart now has a section with underpants for 88 cents a pair! I know it may sound stupid to be excited about this, but underpants can get to be expensive, and they aren't something that is usually easy for me to replace. I had been content buying single pairs, for around $3 a piece. But this new section has offered me a chance to pick up a few more pairs so I don;t have to feel bad if...well.. you know, girl stuff happens. So as someone who doesn't own a lot of cute pairs, having some basic comfy ones that were affordable as an option, is almost like something out of a fiction story.

Hrmmm... Oh! My mom found me a pair of Everbrite pinking shears, complete with pink box that's stamped Japan on the back. I love the vintage packaging, even though it's pink it's refreshing to have something that's not neon. And while I haven't been doing a lot of projects of late that require pinking, they may well be very useful in the not so distant future. It never hurts to be prepared of course. I also picked up a cute Melissa and Doug tote at the thrift store that I've transferred some of my sewing and crafting stuff into. It's actually proving to be a nice size for what I do in a general sense.

For valentines day I'm making my boyfriend some microwavable heat packs. I found some cute flannel in the remnant bin at Joann's and picked it up. It came to around $1.60, but it's got a video game character all over it. It's also just enough to make 2 large heat packs, a medium size pack, and 2 pocket size packs. I'm figuring to use the basic rice recipe, but the hand stitching of them is proving to be a slow process. I just hope that they will hold up to the wear and tear of daily life (which they should). He seems to be ok with the idea that I'm making him something. I was worried that he might feel offended, that I'm making him a present instead of buying one.

And if you want to know why this is written in the middle of the day, am home sick. But hey, we can't have everything. If I'm lucky I'll feel better soon... If I'm not it's going to be a long day... being home isn't any fun ~_~

Hello January!

What are you doing? You're really lost aren't you? (Of course the month doesn't know why I'm asking, but hey, c'est la vie. I just can't believe how quickly it's going.) Oh, and happy friday the 13th!

January has thus far been a rather unique experience. I've been blessed with random odd events that have helped to break up the monotony. What monotony I hear you asking. Well, let's just say the boring routine of my day job. Not that my job is bad.

So yeah... to further improve today a transformer blew ... 😞 #blackout #transformer #dailylife #howcanwework #yaysarcasm #sharing

A video posted by Katie Boofer (@almostafairygodmother) on Jan 3, 2017 at 3:08pm PST

Last week we had a blackout, a snowstorm that sent kids back into our building, and a snow day. The black out was the result of 3 transformers blowing. It was jarring to have all the lights go out on us while we were trying to work. But it was survived. Then we had one day of normalcy, before things just quickly went downhill thanks to Mother Nature.

Then this past weekend we had a great time at my girlfriend Amy's house. We started working on the characters for the tabletop campaign. Meaning now I can write up the rest of the dungeon I was working on not too long ago. We also watched movies, and went to the mall.

I have also been enjoying the treats that entered my life thanks to the holidays. I'm sure most of you don't really give a fig what I got new in my life, but I want to share some of the wonderful things with you anyway. I'll have to do that soon. I just have to decide what item's would be of interest to you.

I've also been working really hard on my crafts for the Victorian Era Craft swap that I joined on instagram. To be honest I'm feeling a little intimidated, because I'm worried my crafting skills are not up to par with everyone else. I'm not a cross stitcher, I'm hardly a quilter. But I do like to make toys, and if I can get this jewelry project to cooperate soon that would be really wonderful.

And let's see. In final fantasy online my character finally had enough money to get herself a room. I't so exciting to have a place to decorate. It's not the same as second life. But seeing as I'm only playing Final Fantasy when I'm visiting, it's just something to do for fun.

I miss playing second life, but until I get my computer issue sorted... things don't look good. Mostly because I'm not on a machine that can handle the demands of the program without crashing. Then there's the wonderful issue of the hinge starting to go on the screen... but I don't want ot think about that right now. Thanks.

I finished my bag of halloween skittles, a fact that actually made me want to cry. I mean... it shouldn't have taken almost a full 3 months or more to eat a bag of skittles. But it was comforting to have them around, because I could pretend it was October again, or that it was much closer than it is. But it's not.

Anyway I'm rambling, you guys have a great weekend and stay magical!

It's finally November

Which means that Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is on it's way, and Christmas has already run over everything else.

Yeah, stores are already full of Christmas merchandise and have been quick to add more the closer november came. It's kind of disappointing honestly. I'd like to have a little time to work through my holidays and reflect on them a little, not feel like I have to be done with them already. But on the plus side, I have to say I do have my christmas presents mostly purchased and the majority of them are wrapped too.

Yay for small accomplishments.

When I have some time to get my life back in order, I'll do a post about some of the awesome things I've picked up in the past month. I won't spoil them now by listing them either.

I am kind of glad that the Halloween season is over, I did enjoy my time working at Spirit Halloween. But I don't really feel like I got to celebrate, even if we did go to the event at the beginning of last month. I'm kind of disappointed because of how I feel.

I also have a lot of sad feelings, but I'm trying to sort them out.

I'll try to get you a proper update soon. Thanks for caring enough to read, and I hope you've been having a safe year.

Personal Update (not that you want to know)

Sometimes being human is a complicated thing. We get sick, we fall apart, and sometimes we need time to recuperate. Now we're not always given the time we need to do this, so we should each try to do this in the way we find it at least somewhat soothing.

I've actually been given two medications that are helping with new symptoms that I developed this month. Turns out that due to the extreme dry, hot summer we've been having allergens that normally wouldn't bother me are at much higher levels. which means, shockingly I'm allergic to something. Not sure what, but it was getting really ugly last week. So after a week I voluntarily went to see the doctor who informed me about the allergens and that he thinks I have asthma.

Still not sure what's up with my head though to be honest. But I'm working on finding that out still. I've been discouraged today though because I kept calling one of the offices to try and schedule an appointment and they hung up on me multiple times. Which doesn't really make me feel like a very happy person. It also doesn't make me want to go in to see them very much either. But eventually I will have to.

I haven't been gaming much, and I'm still trying to get onto my computer enough to actually do something. I haven't been able to focus on the screen long enough to do any art, and it's very frustrating because there's a high number of things I'd still like to do and I'm unable to do them because I can't look at the screen long enough. Which leaves me feeling frustrated because I should have some things finished by now.

I hate not finishing things that I started and was happy with. It sucks to be  like this.

Anyway, I'll try to write again soon, thanks for understanding.

Personal Update (In Case You Were Wondering)

I'm sure most people really don't care why I haven't been writing. But for the few that are curious or worried this is an update to fill you in on why I've been mostly silent of late. If you're not, that's alright, just let me get some of this off my chest anyway.

I've been feeling sick for around 2 months now. At first I was blaming it on the strange weather patterns we had been having here in WNY, but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm trying to figure out exactly how you go about getting a doctor visit, and am not really a fan of the idea. I've never really been fond of doctors, and given my family history there's a large number of reasons to want to avoid them.

Some of my problems include but are not limited to : light sensitivity, dizziness, various pain that doesn't go away with the use of pain killers, and a few other things. I have been informed by a few of my friends that they never would have let it go as long as I have, but sometimes it's better not to worry about something.

Well... I do worry. But if I hurt at least I know I'm still able to feel something.

The real reason that I'm trying to get it sorted out though is because it's starting to affect my ability to do things. Prime example, it's difficult to look at the computer screen so I've simply been avoiding using it on the most part.

Then there's the other problems that have been coming up. Both of my parents have been having a million doctors visits, my dad is supposed to have his third hernia surgery (I think he said it's his third). Anyway they cancelled it last week because the insurance was giving the doctors the run around about one of the tests that they wanted him to have. Apparently they were worried about being sued if something went wrong during the surgery due to a lack of whatever information the test provides.

One of my brothers is getting married in a little less than 2 months. So that's a whole different kind of problem. Mainly because I don't know what to get for them, and I have no idea where I fit into the occasion anyway. Family functions are kind of uncomfortable for me. But I won't get into why. They simply are.

So the main problem as far as writing and putting anything together here has been my inability to focus on the screen for lengths of time. I don't have the focus.

And I really don't feel like I have anything positive to tell. Sorry.

Misery loves company

I know that I haven't been writing anything of late. I haven't even been picking out songs to make lists. I'm uninspired, miserable, and quite honestly I don't know why I should bother. I'm tired of the life I live, and I am finding that the point of it is no longer visible.

I'm not sure what I want to do, but I do know what I wish I could do. I wish I could give up. I'm tired of being the person that I am and I want to be someone else and I wish that I could enjoy things again. But I can't.

Anytime I even start to feel happy other people come along and crush that feeling.

they make me feel guilty for trying to be happy.

I wish I could be happy again ~_~

anyway yeah so much for an update.

I'll try to actually get something written next week. I'm really trying. I just don't really know why I bother. I loved writing, but I have nothing good to write about anymore. Maybe that's the problem, all the negativity is stifling my creative juices.

but hey... let's go with it, right?

A photo posted by Boutique Seek Online (@boutiqueseekonline) on Apr 1, 2016 at 10:17am PDT