Life Update

I know that it's been awhile since I wrote an honest to goodness update about what I'm doing. But I think you've waited long enough, and I believe it's necessary to share some information with you. Nothing that will matter to most readers, but people who know me face to face or in a variety of situations may find it illuminating.

I've been dealing with a variety of pain and numbness in my left arm, which through Doctors visits and physical therapy, has currently been identified as a pinched nerve. The extent of this varies, as sometimes it feels like I've been outside too long with pins and needles, and other times it burns. Before the numbness it felt frequently as though there were golf ball sized knots in my arm. So I've been honestly having trouble focusing.

To go along with the pain, I've been having trouble sleeping. This in and of itself wouldn't be such a bad thing, but since the holidays are here, people have expectations of the type of schedule they would like me to keep.

Oh and all 5 of my brothers are currently engaged or married. Which leaves me as the odd one out of that odd clubhouse. Not because I want to be in it, but because everyone else acts like there's something wrong with me because I'm not.

Then there's the whole issue of politics. It's actually terrifying to watch, knowing that it's been proven now that they have no interest in doing what's in the best interest of the little people. I feel both disgusted and distressed because as it stands I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet now that things are going to start going up uncontrolled. Everything has been going up as it was, except for peoples pay rates. All we have anymore is bills and the question of how to pay them.

I don't know what to say anymore. Lately it seems futile to write anything at all, because no one is going to see it. I could have the most fascinating input, or a great idea and I keep squashing it because I see no point.

Why do the little people, the people at the level where I exist, where ends don't always meet, bother to exist? Why do we exist?

We exist because this is what's left. The shining gold era people seem to be clinging to when the United States had real industries is gone, businesses shipped over and out to other countries. Even Oreo's are made somewhere else now on the most part. Isn't that disheartening?

I hate the apathy that fills people throughout the country. Apathy and anger. They're angry but they don't want to do anything to change it, because they feel like there's nothing to do to change anything. Turning everything into an endless ball of bullshit. They take their angry out on people, just like them, instead of the people that are creating the unjust and unfair world we're left with.

I hate that people care more about what a movie star is having for dinner than their neighbors. I hate that people are more worried about what the Kardashians are wearing , rather than what their neighbors aren't. I find it sad that people are so worried about clothing labels, or shoes instead of what looks good on them. Or what they like themselves. Money doesn't buy happiness, experience does.

I hate that I feel like I've got nothing that I can do to help. I feel like my life is pointless, and to be honest I think I'm losing what bits of hope I did have.

Without hope what is there?

Where is hope now?