Wings

Standing on the narrow window ledge looking down to the cement below, I feel a strange relief.  All that's left to do at this point is leap. The dying Queen city is quiet, most folks asleep in this slow place. Only the occasional sweep of lights float past as someone heads home from the last drink at the bar, or from closing up one of the office buildings. I imagine their weary eyes would never notice me here, nine floors up. Most of them honestly could never imagine living so far from the ground. Yet here I am, standing on the thin stone ledge my toes sticking out into the nothing before me.

I close my eyes inhaling deeply. Even so high, the smell of the fall leaves throughout the area fills my senses. I imagine if I looked out past the grey crumbling buildings I could see the orange tree tops at Tift Farms. But I don't bother to look. Instead I lift my eyes to the heavens, searching the stars and desperately looking for a reason to change my mind. But the stars only flicker and stare back, the full moon low and heavy in the sky. Her pale face holds no answers, but I can feel the cool breeze, colder now so late in the year than it had been in early summer. The breeze lifts my hair, sending loose strands to brush along my face and tickle my nose.

My hands, which have been pressed against the gritty grey stone of the building flex slightly. For a moment am uncertain how safe it is to lift one to brush away the hairs that are disrupting my reverie. But eventually I lift one hand, that in the moonlight looks pale and almost see through save for a dark line going from inside my elbow to my wrist. The blood from the self inflicted wound has slowed but it has not eased the pain within me. Looking back at the moon, I feel a pain shoot through the very core of my being. A despair for the joy and existence that once I had enjoyed. My heart yearns for a yesterday that may never have been. A time that I imagine, and believe with all my heart to have existed. My eyes lift again to the moon, as the pain strikes my heart again.

I let out a small cry, my shoulders leaving the stone work as a sharp stabbing pain shoots through their blades. My fingertips curl some holding to the stone work as the pain increases, I cringe, my feet shifting on the ledge as the back of my shirt is torn open. A coppery scent hits the air around me as I lean forward slightly more, my body morphing and pushing forward. I take a deep breath inhaling the smell that I recognize as my own blood. It's stronger now than I've ever smelled it before, and I inhale deeply. The pain at my shoulders numbs slightly but I can't lean back against the stonework now. Which means I can't got back to the window I came out of.

The frustration, angers, fears, and disappointments that have driven me to this point finally cause me to crack. Salty hot tears stream down my face as I shift again. In doing so I look over my shoulder, seeing a pair of blood coated wings pressed against the stone work. I can feel the chill that rolls through my body at the realization. I shift trying to see if I can spread them. They open wide with little effort the blood sprinkling around me as they unfurl. I look up into the sky again as if to find an answer for this. But there is no answer. The stars are silent and know nothing of my plight or what kind of peril this change may have in store for me.

Defeated and changed, I close my eyes again inhaling deeply the scent of the world and myself. There are so many things that I would have done differently, so many things that I would have seen changed. But none of that matters anymore. I understand now that I am nobody, and that in the end I will be the same as those that came before me. Forgotten. Then finally understanding, I lean forward into the cold night air; wings spread wide as I leave the ledges safety, unafraid of what may come.

A Little Bit of Luck

Everybody needs a little luck sometimes, So am sending some good wishes and happy thoughts your way. Don't get discouraged, because even when things seem to be going difficult, you can always be sure there are good things on the way.

Not Your Home town Hero (1)

All our lives we look for somewhere that we fit. We go through the motions of daily life, some of us losing our way and becoming listless and empty. But what if the time we spend here is only being used as a training ground? The idea isn't comforting, since in truth, the fear of the unknown riddles the world with a whole lot of negativity.

Understanding nothing, and standing before the pearly gates of Heaven in my worn out sneakers and thrashed jeans I was worried. All my life I had been rather skeptical about the whole Heaven thing. Sure, I'd gone to church with my family, but that didn't mean I was subscribed to the daily bread.Besides, as far as I was concerned, it wasn't my time yet. I mean, no one wants it to be their time. But I'd been on my way to an audition. One that I was sure I was going to land.

By the time Saint Peter called my name I was very angry. I felt robbed, and I wasted no time in letting him know it.

"You know, It's not fair! Just when I was finally getting somewhere in life I end up here!"

The Saint laughed, his blue eyes mirthful with a hint of understanding in the corners. "Yes, many of us feel that way when we first get here. But fair isn't the point. Need is. Besides child, would you rather be at the gates of hell?" His tone was teasing, but I still felt slightly shocked.

"Need?" I responded once I got control of my mouth again.

"Oh yes, you're needed here on this side. A guardian angel can't masquerade down there among people forever you know." He responded simply, as though it was something that should have been obvious to me.

"You're joking right?" Though I knew it was a bit improbable I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as a chill raced down my spine.

"No, we don't joke too often here at the gates these days. We've found it holds up progress." His tone implied that he was already getting annoyed. and as he glanced over my shoulder at the throng of people waiting to be admitted, I knew I didn't have much time left with him. "If you'd kindly enter the gates of Heaven you can report to the Angel Hope. He can fill you in on your duties." He waved his hand, and I felt shooed towards the gate by invisible hands as the gates opened.

"Answers!" I shouted over my shoulder as I passed the gates. "I hope he has answers!"

The gates shut behind me with a slight snapping sound. And there was silence. Looking through the bars behind me, I saw nothing outside them. Before me, wasn't the classic heavenly scene the books and movies often offered. No streets of gold. Instead I saw what appeared to be a copy of my home city of Buffalo, built of some sort of silvery opalescent material. And I was standing on main street. Slightly baffled by this, I shrugged and proceeded to wak along it. I hadn't been walking far when I saw it.

Hope's Guardian Angel Agency. The sign was large, hanging over the entrance to what had been the main place mall on earth. The idea that anyone would revive the old place in such a way, amused me. As I made my way towards the doors I could feel a smile twisting my lips. If only my cousin could see this. I was just about to pull the door open, when a hand rested on my shoulder.

"Don't bother going in yet. Someone told me you have questions."

I looked over my shoulder, and felt the color as it heated my cheeks. Ok, whoever had decided that the dead didn't feel anything was wrong. Because as I met those green eyes with my own, I felt a lot of things rush over me.

"Hey! Hey! None of that now! It's not a good time to get distracted. I need you back out to earth as soon as possible kid." He smiled pulling his hand back, slowly brushing it through his red hair. "Someone really needs you."

"Yes....well... I need answers." I finally responded while smoothing my shabby clothes in an attempt to appear more presentable. "He said they don't like jokes at the door. But the irony is that I was on my way to an angel audition when I ended up here. "

"Yeah, That was my ad."

Shock hit me, and I blacked out.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! I hope that your day is bright and cheery. Hope that you're absolutely "hoppy" and that you have a lot of fun.

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.  ~Clarence W. Hall

The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world.  Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice.  But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.  ~Henry Knox Sherrill

 

Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things but in terms of ideals.  ~Charles M. Crowe

I lied on my Weight Watchers list.  I put down that I had 3 eggs... but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.  ~Caroline Rhea