Even a Fairy Godmother Needs a Break

I know that my writing of late has become very sporadic. Not only that, but it has also become uninformative. To put things simply, I don't feel inspired to say much. There are a lot of things that I could write, or look at. But what fun is there in making things up?

I kind of needed the break. We all need a break from what we're doing now and then, and for me this was an unplanned but useful amount of time. It's given me a chance to evaluate what we've been looking at and figure out what direction I want to go in from here.

So what has been going on behind the scenes here? To be blunt, nothing noteworthy. No, I'm not deathly ill. No, I have not managed to find a niche here yet. No, I most definitely have not forgotten the people that I love that are far away. They're just far away from me. And I am far, far, far away from them.

The funny thing is that my cousin told Squash that. Because he was using a map to learn about where we are. He thinks we're on a whole different planet. Or, in Far, Far Away like in the Shrek movies. He still wants me to go back. It's always 'come home'.

But it's hard to come home when you're not sure anymore exactly where home is. Home is a funny thing like that. Sometimes home is where everyone you know is. Sometimes it's the place where we hang our hats for a little while.  Other times it's where someone else is that makes it home to us.

I don't know where home is anymore.

Kind of sad in a way I suppose. But it's fair to say that the only way to figure out where home is is to evaluate the things that are valued. But how do you decide what really matters?

I really feel like I need a break at this point. I need something to go right. Something needs to happen that will shed some light on the directions I have to go in. But what?

I guess we'll just wait and see.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I will try to get things back into an almost predictable order. After all we all like something we can predict.

Order can be nice in this chaotic world.

Social Acceptance

Accepting people for who and what they are can be a very difficult thing. It's a very scary thing to realize that you're the outsider and that there isn't a place for you. That's how I feel lately. I'm from the outside, and don't belong here. I think  that it's something that's supposed to fade over time. But does it really?

There are a lot of things that make people different. We each have our own unique sets of experiences that influence the way that we interact with the world. It's not just how we look, or what we wear. It's how we present ourselves. We have a lot to offer to the world when it comes to the way we interpret our experiences. What we've seen and done can help others to understand what it is that they're going through.

But there are so many hurdles that are put up in order to keep people away from us. We don't like strangers, we don't like things that we don't understand, and we fear change. I am not sure what to think as I'm trying to fit into the new place that I find myself in. But it's not as easy as just changing clothes or cutting my hair. Trust me, if it really was as easy as cutting all of my hair off then that's what I would do.

But to earn Social Acceptance means trying to jump through hoops that other people are putting up. People tend to expect them to be leapt through without telling you what they are. Which leaves people grasping at straws. There are many things that people can do, but we can't read other peoples minds. At least, not reliably.

Socially, it's scary when trying to be accepted. But there is nothing that there is that can make it any easier. We can try to offer what we have, or we can shut ourselves off. There aren't clear ways to do these things. Why? Because there is no right or wrong answer.

I'm frustrated. I'm scared, I'm sad, and am lonely. All in all it leaves me feeling kind of depressed and hopeless. But...It doesn't really matter. None of these feelings are going to help me find an sort of acceptance here at all. But I guess that it doesn't really matter. Why?

Because in the long run it isn't going to change anything. What I feel doesn't change the social hierarchy of the place I've entered. What I want to do, what I think might fix something, doesn't matter. I can't fix things if other people want to see me fail. I don't know what I want right now, but I'm tired.

I'm so tired already.